On the Cusp

I really feel like I'm on the cusp of something. I am thinking that something looks, feels, and smells a lot like freedom and I am giddy with anticipation. This recent season has been dark and twisty and murky and heavy and achy and ick. It has been full and empty. Bitter and redemptive. It has been exactly what I needed.

I don't intend to communicate that I have arrived or that my life is figured out or that I'll be writing a best-selling Self-Help book called "Do What I Did and It Will Fix Your Problems". Nope. Not what I'm saying.

I am saying, however, that I can see some light, some glory, some refuge from the ick. I can feel something different. Something, as I mentioned, that looks, feels, and smells a lot like freedom! I'm not sure why, today, this afternoon, in the midst of crazy work schedules, hot summer sunshine, contractors in and out, and a sweet afternoon date with two friends, that my Lady God decided to grant me a bit of freedom, but She most certainly did. And I am soaking it up.

It may or may not have had something to do with the shiny, large, powerful black Escalade that I drove today with all the windows down and music blasting. How can you not feel free (unstoppable?) in a moment like that?! (It.Was.Awesome.)

For my own wishful keeping, I want to jot down some of what I will call my freedom thoughts:

1.) I believe God is inviting me to dance figuratively...as an expression of freedom. God wants me to be free!

2.) I believe in God's words to me through a Prophejess. About dancing. About pain. My flask. My life, my story, my tears... leading to healing for others. I also believe that this was God's way of making it clear that She hears and sees me.

3.) I believe in asking myself in a "like duh" voice, "why don't I like myself?! I'm ok!".

4.) I believe I'm not that "other" and I'm uniquely me at the same time.

5.) I believe in embracing the fullness of who I am and loving her.

6.) I believe in running at 5:45 am.

7.) I believe that in realizing I'm sabotaging hope, I can name it and choose something different.

8.) I believe in embracing my raw authentic self and allowing her to mature naturally.

9.) I believe in letting hope be hope.

10.) I believe in cutting my hair.

11.) I believe that being ordinary is okay.

12.) I believe in real conversations with good friends.

13.) I believe in honesty.

14.) I believe in the power of hands-on prayer.

15.) I believe in turning pages to new chapters.

16.) I believe in spiritual gifts.

17.) I believe in miracles.

18.) I believe in blogging.

...To be continued, I'm sure...